Internalized Anxiety
weblogpomoI have a lot of internalized anxiety. Sometimes (fine, most of the time) they are for things that I have no control over, no rhyme or reason why I should be anxious, and other times, I’d like to think they are reasonable reasons. What those “reasonable reasons” are still kind of up in the air.
Here’s an example: I’m attempting to get some blog posts drafted and done in case I get behind because… life. The keyword here being “attempting.” As you can see, I’m already anxious about being behind and the month has barely started. Yes, I know this is supposed to be for fun, and I am having fun. It’s motivating me to write/blog again for public consumption, which is something I’ve been wanting to (and regretfully putting it in the back burner) for a while. But still, the anxiety lingers.
Other random examples:
- I haven’t driven since moving to the west coast (5+ years!). I know it’s one of those things I should be able to do since I’ve been driving FOR YEARS, but for some reason, it’s been sending my anxiety into overDRIVE (drive, get it? OK fine, never mind).
- When I take a day off from work for a “mental health day” and I’m at home, I get anxious if I sit idle and do nothing. I start creating checklists of “productive” things I need to get done and stress myself over completing them. Ugh, Why do I do this?
Honestly, it’s a constant battle. There are some good days, and not so good days, but I’m learning to take it one day at a time. On those days where it starts to overwhelm me, I remind myself that it’s ok to not be ok. It’s perfectly okay to take a step back, to take deep breaths, and take care of myself. At the end of the day, I just need to remind myself to let go of the things I cannot control, focus on the things that I can, and just enjoy the ride.
Side Note(s):
- This post is Day 6 of the WeblogPoMo2024 challenge.
- I call it “internalized anxiety” because often times, you’ll never know that I’m actually stressed or struggling. I put up a pretty decent front, so a majority of the time, my anxiety is focused inward. Yes, I am constantly working on bettering myself through different coping mechanisms.
- Some blog posts posted will probably be drafted ahead of time because of this, but most (if not all) are still edited, and finalized same day… and I think that that’s OK.
